i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
