Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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