i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
