2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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