life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
