I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
whose parrot is this?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
