She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
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