Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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