I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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