that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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