Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
