in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
