you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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