my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
