I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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