I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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