She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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