I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
