your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
