I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
