I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
