Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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