having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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