She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
