i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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