every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
