dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
