i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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