SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
