i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
