im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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