is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
