I'm drive I can fine osifer
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
