8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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