Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
