I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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