honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
