so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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