Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
