WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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