covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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