***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
