i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
In America we eat man semen.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
