According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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