if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
