I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize