$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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