all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
