There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
