this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
