I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
