Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I wish there were birth control emojis
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
