If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
