Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
