im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize