before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
