I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
