Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
