i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
