It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
