Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
