Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
