haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
