He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
