would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
