I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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