i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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