just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
