I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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