Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Vodka?
Forever.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
