I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
