I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
