i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
