my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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