Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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