I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
