my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize