you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize