You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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