New invention idea: vibrating tampons
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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