I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
